My Something Beautiful

My something beautiful. I know you see me. At least I see you, waiting patiently at the edge of the walkway. You were never late persay.. Monday's Tuesday's Wednesday's. Always in front of my gaze. Eyes filled with praise. Not a worry in the world, Life was easier then, back in grade school when i hurled myself into your arms. A comforting embrace, nothing can ever replace. My Something Beautiful.

My something beautiful. I know you see me. At Least I see you in the bleachers in grandpa's red jacket, and your snow white hair. You were early, like always. Sitting by yourself in the middle of the stands, with familiar hands, you wave. It's a moment i wished I saved. How could I have known? If only time had shown maybe I would've asked for a loan.

My something beautiful. What do you see when you look at me? Am I still the bright eyed little girl you picked up and swung around? Or maybe the one hanging from the monkey bars on the playground? nono. I'm grownup, but little do I realize so are you. How is it that I am so blind, the sister fates sharpening their shears, their strings intertwined, but I cannot hear, the hourglass running dry that soon I'd have to say goodbye. My something beautiful.

Ring. Ring. Pick up. Something's wrong. Sirens blare. Please God this isn't fair. Soon I'm sitting in a waiting room filled my families faces. My brother's my mother's, my father's, consumed in fear, I cannot bear the tension in the room builds in the air. Please, I was not prepared, help me I'm scared. My something Beautiful.

My something beautiful. Did you know you died three times that night? Can you tell me what you saw? We cried till our eyes dried and when you came back to us we thought you were going to be alright. Life has a funny way of turning plans upside down, all around, and I didn't realize that this small peacekeeper was really the Grim Reaper on a 90 day delay.

Grandmother, I know you can't see me. Your bright eyes are closed. Although, at least I can see you, I'm waiting patiently at the edge of your bed. So, Instead I grab your hand, oh God, this was so unplanned and said, "Grandmother, can you feel me?". I'm here like you were always here for me, please I don't want you to disappear. I whisper in your ear, "Grandmother can you feel me, I am here". I cannot bear this tear in my heart. I'm falling apart, grandmother open your eyes, this all has to be lies my eyes cannot rationalize, I am causing my own demise. STOP. WAKE UP.

Inhale. Exhale.

My something beautiful.

Grandmother, sometimes I am afraid that my memory will fade, and I will forget the sound of your voice without a choice. Sometimes I am afraid that I will forget the way you smiled, and giggled like a child, you were your own free spirit, a constant light in the night. That is something that I will always wish to be but lately I've been feeling like i'm drowning in the bering sea.

Inhale. Exhale.

Grandmother, each passing day is day to be thankful for but some nights I go to bed feeling so sore. I miss you, and I have so much to tell you.

But instead I lay and reminisce the sweet kiss that you would leave on my cheek. How life sometimes feels so bleak I do not know what I seek to help make this feeling flee.

Grandmother, I know you see me, even though I cannot see you. I know someday we will meet again, that one day I'll climb the stairway and you'll be there patiently waiting, like you always have had before, you'll open the door and together we’ll soar.

It's then, that I'll be able to tell you, Grandmother, that you are my something beautiful.