Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Rose Petals

Chapter 1

Kayden couldn’t help it.
She felt betrayed even though she knew had no right to feel this way. It was an unfair double standard that she lived by since the 6th grade when she realized she had these feelings.
But like so many times before, she smiled through gritted teeth, and tried not to dwell on seeing her best friend fall for a guy who Kayden knew was already knew was a dirty pig. That his only intention was to get into her bestfriends pants.
“Are you seriously talking to Trevor, Josie?”, Kayden groaned, as she slammed her bottom locker door shut and heaved her bag over her shoulder. “Also, since we're on the topic of pointless wastes of time, tell me how understanding the mitochondria of a cell will help me in my future?”
Josie smacked Kayden in the arm. “Kay listen, you don’t get him like I do. This time is different. Trust me on this!”, Josie said  
See, this is how it always starts. Josie talks to a boy. Gets caught up on him. Then boy proceeds to break her heart, which leaves Kayden to pick up the pieces. She sees it like clockwork, but also trying to talk Josie out of her new heartthrob is as easy as taming a wild fire with gasoline.
Kayden rubbed her shoulder.
“Okay, first. OW.”  
Josie smirked, and raised her brow. If looks could kill, that would be the one. Kayden quickly shook the thought, her cheeks flushed pink.
“Look all I’m saying is that just because you and Todd -”, Kayden started.
“Trevor.” Josie corrected her, with another smack on the arm.
“Okay OW. Excuse me, Trevorrr.” she continued, drawing out his name purposely. “Made out on the couch at ONE party doesn’t mean it's true love!”. Kayden exclaimed exasperated.
“Look, don’t be mad at me because I don’t have a heart made of stone like you, Kay. You’re like the ‘Grinch who stole Christmas’, just less green but just as hairy.” Josie teased.
Kayden swung through air but Josie stepped out of the way of her fist that just missed her shoulder.
“Hah! You gotta be quicker than that if you want to give me a dead arm. I give you an B minus on effort though.” Said Josie, spinning out of the way. Light on her feet from hours spent in the dance studio her mom owned.
Kayden wished she was half as graceful as Josie was, needless to say, she’s as clumsy as a newborn deer.
Josie fell back into step beside Kayden and playfully threw her arm over her shoulder. Kayden caught her breath for a moment
“You gotta lighten up Kay, don’t be such a prude.” Josie winked, and pinched her cheek.
“Piss off, Josie, sorry that this school is filled with pansy boy conformists who are spoiled rotten by their parents and don’t know work ethic if it hit them with a car.” Kayden exclaimed
Josie laughed, and the final bell rang. Together they weaved in and out of the crowds that exited their classrooms and walked down the stairs to their usual spot at the end of the fence.
“Do you need a ride?” asked Josie, “I’m sure my mom won’t mind dropping you off.”, motioning to her parents’ black Range Rover that pulled up across the street.
“Nah, I’m okay, I don’t mind walking, besides it’s a nice day out and I’m in no rush to get home.” Kayden replied, nonchalant. Failing to mention that her dad came home the night before after a 10 day gambling extravaganza, so she was in no hurry to engage in the awkward small talk that followed.
Josie gave a slight shrug and said,
“Alright, suit yourself! I’ll see you tonight then?”, she asked.
“You bet, you think I’d miss you murder the other team on stage?”, Kayden replied, while mimicking a crude moonwalk away from Josie.
“Oh god, I think you made Michael Jackson himself turnover in his grave after that dance move.”, said Josie covering her eyes. “I think I was just blinded, can you help me to the car?”, as she held out her arms and pretended to search for something to hold onto. Josie’s mom honked the horn.
“Yeah well, do you see this?”, Kayden acted like she was about to take something out of her pocket, but really brought her hand out just to flip off her best friend. She turned and started walking down the sidewalk. Yet, all she heard was Josie yell something about having fun studying the wall of a plant cell.

Kayden smiled.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Finding Inspiration

It is tricky and unique for everyone. Unexplainable yet completely relatable. All I know is, my inspiration is mine, while your inspiration is yours.
So I wonder, if I tap my foot enough, will my inspiration hush me?
If I strum my guitar enough, will my inspiration hear me?
Now, tell me this. When will I know when it hits?
Will my fingers move fast enough to type the words that enter my head.
Will it only give me a glimpse of an idea, or a cascade of endless thoughts.  
How will my Inspiration show itself?
Maybe in a rhyme, I’ll just have to give it time.
Possibly in self - reflection or dreamy speculation.
I’ll chase my inspiration if I think I can catch it.
I’ll hike the tallest mountains or drive the road less traveled.
I’ll turn the radio up high and gaze out the window at the fading landscapes
I’ll listen to the laughs of those I love and the stories of strangers I’ve just met.
Does my inspiration sleep?
Will it come to me in a dream, or will it rise with me as I wake?
Maybe after my morning cup of coffee, or my drive to work, or after soaking in a warm bath.
How will my Inspiration make me feel?
Maybe it’ll give itself away when I’m at my lowest point. As I pour the last shot that puts me over the edge, through my blurred vision and slurred conversation,
Or maybe when I think I can conquer the world. It will be my ally of confidence or partner in crime.
Now, maybe this will make me see that my Inspiration is all around me if I let it be.
It is my best friend, my own worst enemy, and everything that surrounds me.
All I hope is that one day I meet my Inspiration, in more than one way. As do I hope you do too, because my inspiration is mine, and your inspiration is your’s.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The Beach

Raelyn never felt the need to run away, and if she did, she never thought she’d be drawn to the sea.

She found it quite frustrating that no matter how carefully she walked, sand maneuvered its way into every thread of her clothes and piled at the heels in her converse. As well as, the constant teasing from her friends calling her a “shoobie” on the beach was pretty unfavorable too.

Yet, today was different. It was the routine that stifled Raelyn. This morning was just as mundane as the others, and that was exactly the problem. So, as she followed her daily rituals:  took a shower, brushed her teeth, and drove to school. She watched each face rush by, wondering if they too, were as tired as she felt.
She cursed silently to herself as she half jogged to class. Why did she think this morning class would be any different than the others? She’s shown up 15 minutes late everyday this week, and it was getting harder and harder to dodge Professor Hazlet’s impatient glares. Especially, when she attempts to slink away into her seat at the back of the class.
“Rae, what is it that makes you so inherently late every morning?”, asked her professor accusingly, stopping mid - lecture therefore giving everyone else in the room an excuse to look back and watch the show.  
“Uh oh. Here we go”, Raelyn thought to herself. She knew it was only a matter of time before she was tied to the stake.
“Honestly professor, it was my alarm. My phone died in the middle of the night.”, she muttered sheepishly, flushed slightly red with embarrassment in her cheeks.
It was a weak attempt to justify her laziness. Good one, because he hasn’t heard that one a million times. Unwilling to admit to herself, like so many other mornings, she couldn't muster strength to get out of bed. That maybe, just maybe, those extra minutes spent in beneath the sheets would grant her the willpower to get through the day, but no. In reality, it really meant another morning running to class with her hair half brushed and a coffee stain on her jeans.
“So”, she thought, “Go ahead and set fire beneath that stake, at least it'll mark the end of this wretched 8am class”.
But, Raelyn reminded herself that she's not a witch, and this wasn't the dark ages.
As she sat through class, she couldn't shake the same itching feeling that she felt when she woke. She was all too aware of her heel tapping against the floor, and her pencil twirling in her fingers. Rae tried not to watch the clock, but her futile attempts failed, and when she was finally dismissed, she darted out the door. Last in first out, like a claustrophobic who was scared that the walls might fall in, leaving her trapped in a classroom tomb. She shuddered.
So, doing what every super responsible young adult would do in her given situation - she ditched.
She accepted the nagging feeling, the one that had proved itself as nothing but a distraction, was only going to grow stronger and along with that realization - she drove.
“Where to?”, Rae mumbled to herself. “The possibilities are endless”, she thought.  She could drive to the Grand Canyon, but then grand is a big hole in the ground? She shook her head.
“Oh! Well maybe, I could run to the mountains.” She could breathe in the fresh crisp air of Yosemite and try to wrap her arms around the thousand year old redwood trunks.
She sighed. There was only one place she knew she could go. I mean afterall, she didn’t really want to run away, just get away. There was a difference right?

The beach. Close enough to home, but far enough to feel just out of reach. Raelyn inhaled the salty air. She walked slowly through the sand, allowing her feet sink into the soft earth, taking each step with care, as if she was walking on glass. She pulled her jacket close, tucked her hands inside her pockets, and started her trek up a small dune. Once she reached the top Rae plopped herself down, the spot she chose worthy of queen.

.... to be continued

Thursday, March 9, 2017

My Something Beautiful

My something beautiful. I know you see me. At least I see you, waiting patiently at the edge of the walkway. You were never late persay.. Monday's Tuesday's Wednesday's. Always in front of my gaze. Eyes filled with praise. Not a worry in the world, Life was easier then, back in grade school when i hurled myself into your arms. A comforting embrace, nothing can ever replace. My Something Beautiful.

My something beautiful. I know you see me. At Least I see you in the bleachers in grandpa's red jacket, and your snow white hair. You were early, like always. Sitting by yourself in the middle of the stands, with familiar hands, you wave. It's a moment i wished I saved. How could I have known? If only time had shown maybe I would've asked for a loan.

My something beautiful. What do you see when you look at me? Am I still the bright eyed little girl you picked up and swung around? Or maybe the one hanging from the monkey bars on the playground? nono. I'm grownup, but little do I realize so are you. How is it that I am so blind, the sister fates sharpening their shears, their strings intertwined, but I cannot hear, the hourglass running dry that soon I'd have to say goodbye. My something beautiful.

Ring. Ring. Pick up. Something's wrong. Sirens blare. Please God this isn't fair. Soon I'm sitting in a waiting room filled my families faces. My brother's my mother's, my father's, consumed in fear, I cannot bear the tension in the room builds in the air. Please, I was not prepared, help me I'm scared. My something Beautiful.

My something beautiful. Did you know you died three times that night? Can you tell me what you saw? We cried till our eyes dried and when you came back to us we thought you were going to be alright. Life has a funny way of turning plans upside down, all around, and I didn't realize that this small peacekeeper was really the Grim Reaper on a 90 day delay.

Grandmother, I know you can't see me. Your bright eyes are closed. Although, at least I can see you, I'm waiting patiently at the edge of your bed. So, Instead I grab your hand, oh God, this was so unplanned and said, "Grandmother, can you feel me?". I'm here like you were always here for me, please I don't want you to disappear. I whisper in your ear, "Grandmother can you feel me, I am here". I cannot bear this tear in my heart. I'm falling apart, grandmother open your eyes, this all has to be lies my eyes cannot rationalize, I am causing my own demise. STOP. WAKE UP.

Inhale. Exhale.
My something beautiful.

Grandmother, sometimes I am afraid that my memory will fade, and I will forget the sound of your voice without a choice. Sometimes I am afraid that I will forget the way you smiled, and giggled like a child, you were your own free spirit, a constant light in the night. That is something that I will always wish to be but lately I've been feeling like i'm drowning in the bering sea.

Inhale. Exhale.

Grandmother, each passing day is day to be thankful for but some nights I go to bed feeling so sore. I miss you, and I have so much to tell you.
But instead I lay and reminisce the sweet kiss that you would leave on my cheek. How life sometimes feels so bleak I do not know what I seek to help make this feeling flee.

Grandmother, I know you see me, even though I cannot see you. I know someday we will meet again, that one day I'll climb the stairway and you'll be there patiently waiting, like you always have had before, you'll open the door and together we’ll soar.

It's then, that I'll be able to tell you, Grandmother, that you are my something beautiful.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

A Fine Rosa

A Fine Rosa

The guilty pleasure of our kiss, his lips stained like a deep caburnay, the bittersweet taste we'll share in the morning, but shh...darlin'...

We lose grasp of Love's embrace and instead fall into Lust's inevitable chase.

Half love half regret, just for one night make me forget. 

All at once, beneath sheets, I ache for his touch and as he's lying there with me, I'm already killing the memory. 

We'll play pretend for the night, act like lovers, because that's what lover's do. 

Yet, in the end we'll talk sweet nothing's like a sip of chardonnay, because that's the only thing left to say,

So, when night two reveals itself, don't worry about me.

I'll be sipping on a fine rosa, and next time...

I won't ask you to stay.